There is something about bathrooms… Most of the time, it feels like you just walked into a time machine… and maybe a confession stand. Sometimes, its a black hole that can take you to a completely new place or dimensions… So what am I talking about?
Late last night, I decided to take a shower. It has become a routine for me this summer to take one before hitting the sack. As soon as I sit on the toilet seat to do nature’s call first, my mind automatically takes me somewhere. Now most of the time, its the past, sometimes it goes to my logical thoughts trying to solve some logical problems. But last night, it took me to my previous job. The one that I just resigned a few months ago. Funny because it is something I never ever really want to think about anymore, but when I go to the bathroom recently, 90% of the time its always that place. (Why oh dear brain?)
First of all, going back to my previous job is not a happy place for me. I even dreamed I burned the place. I honestly do not want to go into details but let’s just say both parties, me and the company have shortcomings. There are things that I could have done differently, things that the company should have not said or unnecessarily said, things that I should have let go and let passed… These are the thoughts that I decided to shut out and tell myself to move on and who I am now is enough… but am I really?
What is it with bathrooms that makes me gone back there? Is it the enclosed space maybe? the silence it offers even? or the sound of running water? the privacy it gives you? or maybe the first look on the mirror that makes you start to reflect on things? It’s funny how I have to analyze this, but maybe everything that I just questioned is true. Besides, it does hold the best descriptions of a perfect place to think… but to do it unintentionally and unwillingly… yeah, that I do not know…
What I usually do is I hit myself in the head and telling myself “Stop it! Stop thinking about it!”, but the question is, should I? What to do with these thoughts that keeps haunting me? Will it eventually go away over time like the rest of my memories? or does my unconscious mind trying to tell me something… that I haven’t yet figured out? What does my mind wish to satisfy?
I wish I know the answers.